America Hates Kids

Before the pearl-clutching propels you to turn the page, let me ask you this question: Besides obvious explicit language and content, would you talk to an adult the same way you would talk to a child? Think about the ways we often patronize and objectify children in our society. Imagine someone telling you are a “good boy/girl” when you turned in the  quarterly report. Or being plucked from your bed and put into a car without telling you where you’re going and when you’ll be back home. Childism may sound like a new “ism” we may roll our eyes at or feel obligated to add to our ever-growing list of activism issues we ought to care about, but it actually has been studied for quite some time. The term was first coined in 1975 by two psychiatrists, Dr. Chester M. Pierce and Dr. Gail B. Allen. Childism refers to "a prejudice against children on the ground of a belief that they are property and can (or even should) be controlled, enslaved, or removed to serve adult needs.” Others have defined it as “advocacy for empowering children as a subjugated group or to prejudice and/or discrimination against children or childlike qualities”. Our first instinct is to distance ourselves from this and say, “Oh, that’s not me. I love (my) kids!” However, childism is not concerned with more than the individual, but with the systemic issues children face politically, economically, physically, etc., and how a society demonstrates its implicit or explicit values of children. It may sound hyperbolic to say that America hates children, but if we look at the welfare of children in other developed countries, we can see disparities.

Take for example the American education system. Primary teachers in America make an average of $62K a year (which varies widely depending which state you live in). Compared to Luxembourg, the highest paying country, pays their primary teachers the US equivalent to $101K per year . If our treasure is where our heart is, then quality education for our children is not as valuable as our military and policing budgets. Also, did you know that child marriage is legal in forty-four states with parent’s permission? In fact, there are twenty states that do not have a minimum age for marriage . That means that statutory rape does not apply to these cases, and children do not have the legal right to divorce. In addition to these outrageous and upsetting systemic examples, there are subtle micro-aggressions around accessibility for children in public spaces. Child advocate and self-described “Mr. Rogers Wannabe," Anna Skates writes, “From building programming to meet the social and emotional development needs of children to asking owners of public spaces to please consider adding step stools to their bathrooms to provide hand-washing access to children-it’s all rooted in this truth: Children. Are. Human Beings.”  What’s more sad, is the church is just as guilty in the sin of childism in the way we objectify and exclude children form worship.

Which leads me to Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a Lutheran pastor, theologian, youth worker, World War II spy and martyr. There are many biographies and books written about him, but Dr. Andy Root’s book, Bonhoeffer as Youth Worker; A Theological Vision for Discipleship and Life Together (Baker Academic, 2014), offers unique insights into Bonhoeffer’s life as a youth worker and the development of his theology around children. Like Anna, Bonhoeffer believed that children should not only be seen and heard, but are central and necessary to (Christian) life. In chapter seven of Root’s book, titled, “The Child as Eschatological; Back to Berlin and On to New York," Bonhoeffer writes about our baptism (specifically infant baptism) is the “call to the human being into childhood, a call that can be understood only eschatologically”. Eschatology is the study of death, judgement, and the final destiny of souls and humankind . It can also focus on God’s intended future for all creation (the Kingdom of God). From what I understand this to mean is our baptism is an act of God where we are joined with Christ as children of God. Since God has called us into childhood, and we are indeed children of God, then that means childhood is the experience of the Kingdom of God, and to be a child is holy. Children are a picture, a foreshadowing of what the Kingdom of God is like…that is why we can only enter it, “If we become like a child” (Matthew 18:3). Childhood is a vocation! A holy calling we are all called to enter into for such a short time. Therefore, Root, Bonhoeffer, and imagine Skates would agree that children ought to be the center of the church community, and by extension our society. Furthermore, Root says that a congregation’s faithfulness, “…is not big buildings or full membership roles but its willingness to embrace children” . 

As a former children’s pastor at a large megachurch in Orange County, CA I can attest to this measure of faithfulness. In my experience, there are many churches who have big budgets, hire Disney Imagineers to design their facilities, and have multimedia presentations designed for kids, all signs point to faithfulness to the Gospel. And yet, they are placed in a separate building, meant to only be seen and heard on the high holy days: Christmas, Easter, and Mother’s Day. I have also observed from over fifteen years of experience, there is a retention drop in attendance and membership when a child “graduates” to youth group, and then significantly drops again when they leave youth group (if they don’t manage to get swept into being a youth leader). There are many factors to why there are significant drops in these stages in life, but my hunch is that kids are intimidated or feel ostracized in “Big Church” with the adults. For many kids, Big Church with the adults was punishment for misbehaving in Sunday school. For others, the adult worship experience is boring, or too heady for them to engage with post youth group. This is what happens when our corporate worship experience is not designed with children in mind. They become strangers in their own community. As much as I believe children’s ministry can offer respite to parents who just need some adult time, ultimately it is the community’s job to share in the formation of children, not just the dozen volunteers sweating in the church basement.

Not only does Bonhoeffer believe children ought to be centered and valued in our worship experiences, but he goes even further to say that Jesus is the creator of childhood, which means childhood is how we experience discipleship. In a lecture he gave on December 11, 1928 he spoke about Matthew 18:2-3, where Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”. In Mark 9:42 Jesus says, “if any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea”. These not so subtle verses unequivocally show Jesus’ preferential option for children. Bonhoeffer then responds to these verses by saying, 

“For Jesus the child is not merely a transitional stage on the way to adulthood, something to be overcome; quite the contrary, he or she is something utterly unique before which the adult should have the utmost respect. For indeed, God is closer to children than to adults. In this sense, Jesus becomes the discoverer of the child” .

Anna Skates has often said that society is more in love with children’s potential than love where they are at. Our love for their potential reveals what we believe about children, that they are not fully formed humans just as they are. Sure, they are not fully developed adults, but they are fully human nonetheless and deserve our full respect. Keeping this and Bonhoeffer’s assertion of childhood as discipleship in mind, I wonder if discipleship is more than a disciplined life. What if Jesus’ model for discipleship is to be curious, to imagine new worlds and realities, to explore and to wonder. American capitalism tends to hate whatever and whoever cannot produce a profit, perhaps the fact that children are not meant to work or turn a profit teaches us about sabbath, and how our worth is not tied to our productivity. 

So what do we do with all of this? If America hates children, then the church ought to be the loudest advocates for children because we encounter Christ in these little humans. It needs to begin with us, however. If we are able fully include children into our worship, crying, wiggling and all, then we can begin to imagine bringing this liberation to other spaces. That means we create accessible bathrooms for children in our places of work. We vote to end child marriage and pressure our government representatives to reallocate funds to education, child protection services, and universal healthcare. We place a booster seat at the table, giving then equal participation and value. We are called to leave our pews and go out into the world and make disciples for Christ…inviting others to into childhood, and know unconditional love.

Root, A. (2014) Bonhoeffer as Youth Worker: A Theological Vision for Discipleship and Life Together. Baker Academic. Grand Rapids, MI.